Marty Klein Sex Therapist; Psychotherapist & Couples Counselor; Policy Analyst; Award-Winning Author

For clinical professionals.

What do most couples really want from sex? It isn’t endless orgasms, or sex around the clock. Most people want the same old things: connection, excitement, pleasure, validation--and a little magic. When the prospect of getting these is slim, desire and satisfaction fall. Sexual frequency soon plummets.

This is not a “dysfunction,” and improving people's sexual “function” is not the answer. The therapeutic enterprise changes dramatically when we treat low desire or low frequency as reasonable rather than problematic. Reasons that couples don’t enjoy sex include:

* Performance pressure
* Normality anxiety
* Narratives of failure
* Inadequate initiation or transition routines
* Chronic conflict about sexual choices

Helping such couples often involves addressing power struggles and control issues; the existential challenges of adulthood; and a commitment to risk-taking rather than conflict avoidance. We will discuss how to move couples from perfunctory, infrequent sex to more vibrant and intriguing experiences. 

For clinical professionals.

Dr. Marty Klein was the first American to criticize the invention of "sex addiction" in the 1980s. He remains the foremost critic of this misguided idea; has done so on a stage shared with Patrick Carnes; and he predicted the invention of "porn addiction." 

The author of the instant classic His Porn, Her Pain, Marty has successfully treated over 1,000 individuals and couples troubled by sexual acting out or porn use--all without resorting to the concept of addiction.

This seminar examines and debunks the basis of sex/porn addiction, and explores how patients' impulsive or seemingly out-of-control sexual behavior may really involve:

• medicating depression, anxiety, ADHD, or Asperger's
• an arousal disorder
• an attachment or social isolation disorder
• denial of a disturbing sexual preference or orientation
• fear of getting too close to a primary partner
• a recurring sexual dysfunction with a primary partner
• unacknowledged narcissism or resentment 

The sex/porn addiction model is not effective with these cases. In this seminar we'll discuss treatments that work. And why it really matters what we call (supposedly) out-of-control sexual behavior.

For clinical professionals.

The explosion of internet porn use has brought a new set of issues into every therapist’s office.   

• “I’m afraid my porn use is out of control. Maybe I’m a porn addict.”
• “I hate keeping secrets from my partner.”
• “I feel bad about my body or my partner’s body.”
• “I’m uncomfortable with the images I enjoy watching.”

• “I’m afraid his porn use is out of control. Maybe he’s a porn addict.”
• “I don’t want my partner looking at porn, but he insists.”
• “I don’t feel I can compete with the images in porn.”
• “Our sex life isn’t satisfying, and my partner doesn’t seem to care.”

This workshop focusses on treating intrapsychic conflicts and power struggles over porn use, exploring questions including:

• Is porn use a form of infidelity?
• Is conflict about porn a way to avoid confronting deficits in the sexual or non-sexual relationship?
• Are one or both partners acting out body image issues?
• Why is “porn addiction” not a helpful clinical concept?

Especially for YPO/EO, such as closed groups.

We all now live in a virtual world: smartphones, apps, streaming media, the internet. And yet most people want real sex, real relationships, real connection. How do we do that? Is it even possible anymore? This talk explores:

* Why you don't need youth, beauty, or fancy techniques to create better sex
* Why orgasm is an overrated part of sex
* Why drugs like Viagra often don't help
* How couples can have good sex when one partner also likes to watch porn
* Mars? Venus? Sexually, men and women are more similar than different. How does this insight make sex better for everyone?
* The two surprising things that predict sexual satisfaction in both men & women
* How the internet has changed almost nothing about sex--and the one thing it has

Dr. Klein is a veteran of 37,000 hours of sex therapy & couples counseling. Popular audiences will love his practical, clinically-tested advice—much of which will  surprise and reassure. 

For both YPO/EO groups and clinical professionals.

What do most men & women say they want from sex? Some combination of pleasure and closeness. But that isn't what most people focus on during sex. Distracting thoughts & feelings, self-consciousness, and performance concerns are far more common.

Therapists and self-help books can make things worse. Better technique doesn’t give people what they really want from sex: a sense of relaxation, playfulness, self-acceptance, and connection.

So what's the alternative? As described in Dr. Klein's internationally popular book, Sexual Intelligence, this talk will explore: 

• Why orgasm is NOT the most important part of sex.
• How to support people in growing beyond lust-driven sex to adult eroticism—and how to help people cope with the resulting existential issues.
• How to help people identify the good reasons they don’t desire or initiate sex.
• How people construct stories about sex, gender, and their bodies that undermine pleasure and intimacy--and how people can change their stories.
• How we can help people discover what their authentic sexual desires actually are, and how they can share these with a partner.
• The role of Normality Anxiety in sexual decision-making.

For YPO/EO audiences--especially mixed-gender groups.

Most of us develop our ideas about sexuality in our late teens and early 20s—when our bodies are relatively strong, flexible, and mostly pain-free. But our bodies change as we go through our 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond, so we need a model of sexuality that doesn’t depend on those youthful bodies. If we don't adapt our sexual expectations and activities, we’re inviting frustration and even dysfunction.

Issues discussed in this down-to-earth talk include:

• What sexual changes should we expect as we get older?
• Parts of our sexuality that can remain consistent as we age
• Hormones, medications, and erection drugs like Viagra
• The role of chronic pain in desire and satisfaction
• How “outercourse” can be a key part of a healthy sexual relationship
• If sexual communication is important, what should you communicate about?
• The importance of relaxation and self-acceptance to enjoyable sex
• What's sexually "normal" at various ages--which will surprise you!

For both YPO/EO & clinical audiences.

Today’s kids live in a world we never had to navigate. Dr. Klein will share reassuring information and valuable tools to help parents help young people deal with the challenges—and the feelings—they will inevitably face involving sexuality. He’ll share evidence that today’s youth are actually safer than we may imagine. He’ll even talk about how healthy parenting on this subject can lead to family growth.

• How to talk about sex if you’re embarrassed
• How to share your values without moralizing
• The age-old adolescent concern—“Am I normal?”
• How teens look at sex, dating, and hooking up
• What parents & kids need to know about porn--and how to talk about it
• What about sexting?
• What to do if you and your partner disagree about how to parent on this subject

For clinical professionals.

The number of patients involved in non-monogamy, BDSM, porn, and sex toys has dramatically increased. These cases may challenge our clinical beliefs or personal values, highlighting our lack of knowledge, vocabulary, or comfort. This practical talk will address issues such as:

• Typical features of common alternative sexualities 
• Helping patients deal with shame, guilt, & secrecy
• Learning about alternative sexualities from patients
• What is most pornography actually like? How does it really impact consumers? 
• How to help couples in conflict about porn use-­-while respecting both partners
• When is infidelity about sex, and when is it about other things?
• What if couples don’t agree on whether or not there has been infidelity?
• Is there such a thing as “emotional infidelity?” “Cyber-infidelity?”
• When should we focus on the sex, and when on something else?
• Evaluating patients’ sexual practices: where do we draw the lines? 

Marty speaks on how women's empowerment and why men should be excited on how this translates past the workplace. 

For clinical professionals.

Cellphone records, email passwords, intimate details of when & where—after an affair, does one person gain the right to whatever information they want? Is demanding such information wise? Who decides if the children get told--and what? This workshop examines the nuts and bolts of power, intimacy, and sexuality in the wake of actual or perceived betrayal. Challenging many common clinical ideas, topics covered include:

• Why are affairs so common in both men & women?
• The typical belief that the Betrayed acquires power as a result of being betrayed
• Is sex the engine of most affairs? What can be done about desire differences?
• How can we help couples explore reconciliation as partners rather than as adversaries?
• “That’s not infidelity, it’s just internet chat!”
• How relationships can thrive when one partner uses pornography
• Helping clients draw and maintain boundaries around the wounded relationship
• The existential issues that both partners must confront when there’s been an affair